Hey Mind! Why are you Monkeying around?

Mind is like a monkey, forever hopping from one place to another. It’s not pure-impure or good-bad. It just is.”Is it a sin to have impure thoughts? How can I get rid of such thoughts?” someone wrote to me the other day. Before, I answer this question, allow me to share with you that I don’t believe in the notion of sin. There’s nothing called sin. I’m not suggesting that everything we do or think is right, but sin means you have done something that has led to estrangement from God, because of which God is now upset with you. I don’t think God would be God if He got upset. God’s love is unconditional. Sin is a religious concept whereas your true nature, and God too, is beyond any religion, book, or belief system.

If there’s no sin, does that mean, everything is acceptable? Not quite. Nature operates on a self-fulfilling prophecy. You plant an apple seed and it’ll sprout and grow into an apple tree. Nature is not punishing you or rewarding you for this karma. To judge as good or bad, right or wrong is the human way. The divine way is to simply be aware, to be a witness. There is no sin in having impure thoughts, but acting on impure thoughts can amount to undesirable actions. 

If anyone ever tells you that they can give you a practice, or a way to not have impure thoughts in your mind, they are lying. No power in this world or any other can give you that guarantee. An average human mind goes through 60,000 thoughts in 24 hours, and, it is but natural that some of those thoughts are going to be undesirable. To have an impure thought doesn’t make you impure, it doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s not the thought itself that matters, it’s what you do with it.

Everyone experiences thoughts of hatred, jealousy, impropriety. There’s nothing destructive about it, because a thought can come from any direction, at any time. One could be thinking about philandering or deceit while praying in a temple and the same person could be thinking of compassion and morality in a brothel. It’s possible. Thoughts are involuntary, they come uninvited. There’s nothing unusual about having impure thoughts. It’s not the thought itself but its pursuit that ultimately impacts your emotional and mental state.

Therefore, it’s not realistic to expect that you never have any impure thoughts but it’s quite doable to not pursue such thoughts nor act on them. When you get a thought you deem impure, simply shift your attention. Focus your mind elsewhere. Don’t go after the thought. Just gently bring your attention back to the present moment.

If, however, you start to follow the thought-trail and begin contemplating on her, her body, or being with her, the thought will rapidly gather momentum soon overpowering your ability to think straight. A tiny, harmless flake of snow will turn into a juggernaut as it rolls down. It may nudge you to translate your thought into an action you may regret later on.

A disciple fell in love with her master. She felt guilty for feeling those emotions, but guilt could not help her emerge stronger than her ardor. With her heart ruling over her mind, she could contain it no longer.
“I’m sorry, master,” she said, “but, I have tremendous feelings for you.”
“Don’t be sorry,” said the master. “If you have tremendous feelings for me, I’ve enough discipline for both of us.”

Think of yourself as the master and your thoughts as the disciple. When they come to you, no one has to be sorry, you just have to be aware and choose a course of action accordingly. Give your thoughts the freedom to approach you, while you keep the strength to direct them. If you repeatedly get the same impure thought, then, we need to get to the bottom of it. It could be because of deprivation. Those who are fulfilled in their lives are lot less likely to experience constant jealousy or hatred than those who never experienced true love.

If someone’s fasting, it’s quite natural that they’ll get thoughts of food more than any other. So long as they are busy, they may not feel hungry but, the moment they’re free, the thought of food will emerge strongly. Similarly, when you give your mind a free moment, most probably, you’ll have an impure thought, a negative thought or a depressing thought. It’s natural. Why? Because, most people are constantly battling with themselves to not think impurely, to not be negative, to not be jealous and so forth. You are fasting and you are trying to eliminate the thought of food from your mind.

Mindfulness is the key. Accept, don’t react, don’t pursue, don’t feel guilty. Just let it be. You can build mindfulness with meditation, with contemplation, with determination. You never have to be sorry for your feelings or your thoughts. They are not pure or impure, they just are. You just have to watch out what you do with them.

When you simply draw yourself back to the present moment, all thoughts, both good and bad, vanish. There’s no battle then. There’s nothing to escape in the present moment. This is the simple truth……

From weakness I gain strength. …

Too often, we build walls around ourselves in the midst of grief, pain, or challenges, inflating ourselves up to be proud people who don’t need anyone’s help, people who are getting by just fine, people who are strong enough to weather the storm on their own.

We close ourselves off to feeling anything in the name of self-preservation. We distance ourselves from emotions that by all means scare us because of how weak, vulnerable, incapable, or unable they may make us seem to our loved ones….

However, it’s only through allowing ourselves to embrace that weakness and it’s only through allowing ourselves to feel those daunting emotions that we invite love in to strengthen us.

Man and the Rubber band effect….

A rubber band is the perfect metaphor to understand the male intimacy cycle. This cycle involves getting close, pulling away, and then getting close again.
Most women are surprised to realize that even a man loves a woman, periodically he needs to pull away before he can get closer. Men instinctively feel this urge to pull away. It is not a decision or choice. It just happens. It is neither his fault nor her fault. It is a natural cycle.
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When a man loves a woman,periodically he needs
to pull away before he can get closer.
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Women misinterpret a man’s pulling away because generally a woman pulls away for different reasons. She pulls back when she doesn’t trust him to understand her feelings, when she has been hurt and is afraid of being hurt again, or when he has done something wrong and disappointed her.
Certainly a man may pull away for the same reasons, but he will also pull away even if she has done nothing wrong. He may love and trust her, and then suddenly he begins to pull away. Like a stretched rubber band, he will distance himself and then come back all on his own.
A man pulls away to fulfill his need for independence or autonomy. When he has fully stretched away, then instantly he will come springing back. When he has fully separated, then suddenly he will feel his need for love and intimacy again. Automatically he will be more motivated to give his love and receive the love he needs. When a man spring back, he picks up the relationship at whatever degree of intimacy it was when he stretched away. He doesn’t feel any need for a period of getting reacquainted again.
WHAT EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ABOUT MEN
If understood, this male intimacy cycle enriches a relationship, but because it is misunderstood it creates unnecessary problems. Let’s explore an example.
Jane was distressed, anxious, and confused. She and her boyfriend, Jack had been dating for six months. Everything had been so romantic. Then without any apparent reason he began to distance himself emotionally. Jane could not understand why he had suddenly pulled away. “One minute he was so attentive, and then the next he didn’t even want to talk to me. I have tried everything to get him back but it only seems to make matters worse. He seems so distant. I don’t know what I did wrong. Am I so awful?”
When Jack pulled away,  Jane took it personally. This is a common reaction. She thought she had done something wrong and blamed herself. She wanted to make things “right again,” but the more she tried to get close to Jack the more he pulled away. After some self assessing sessions she was relieved. Her anxiety and confusion immediately disappeared. Most important, she stopped blaming herself. She realized that when Jack pulled away it was not her fault. In addition she learned why he was pulling away and how gracefully to deal with it. Jane had discovered a secret that few women know about men.
Jane realized that when she was trying to get close while Jack was trying to pull away, she was actually preventing him from stretching his full distance and then springing back. By running after his, she was preventing him from ever feeling that he needed her and wanted to be with her. She realized that she had done this in every relationship. Unknowingly she had obstructed an important cycle. By trying to maintain intimacy she had prevented it.
How a Man Is Suddenly Transformed
If a man does not have the opportunity to pull away, he never gets a chance to feel his strong desire to be close. It is essential for women to understand that if they insist on continuous intimacy or “run after” their intimate male partner when he pulls away, then he will almost always be trying to escape and distance himself; he will never get a chance to feel his own passionate longing for love.
Imagine that you are holding a rubber band. Now begin stretching your rubber band by pulling it to your right. This particular rubber band can stretch twelve inches. When the rubber band is stretched twelve inches there is nowhere left to go but back. And when it returns it has a lot of power and spring.
Likewise, when a man has stretched away his full distance, he will return with a lot of power and spring. Once he pulls away to his limit, he begins to go through a transformation. His whole attitude begins to shift. This man who did not seem to care about or be interested in his partner(while he was pulling away)suddenly cannot live without her. He is now feeling again his need for intimacy. His power is back because his desire to love and be loved have been reawakened.
This is generally puzzling for a woman because in her experience if she has pulled away, becoming intimate again requires a period of reacquaintance. If she doesn’t understand that men are different in this way, she may have a tendency to mistrust his sudden desire for intimacy and push him away.
Men also need to understand this difference. When a man springs back, before a woman can open up again to him she generally wants and needs time and conversation to reconnect. This transition can be more graceful if a man understands a woman my need more time to regain the same level of intimacy-especially if she felt hurt when he pulled away. Without this understanding of differences, a man may become impatient because he is sudderly available to pick up the intimacy at whatever level of intensity it was when he pulled away and she is not.
Why Men Pull Away
Men begin to feel their need for autonomy and independence after they have fulfilled their need for intimacy. Automatically when he begins to pull away, she begins to panic. What she doesn’t realize is that when he pulls away and fulfills his need for autonomy then suddenly he will want to be intimate again. A man automatically alternates between needing intimacy and autonomy.
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A man automatically alternates
between needing intimacy and autonomy.
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For example, in the beginning of his relationship Jack was strong and full of desire. His rubber band was fully stretched. He wanted to impress her , fulfill her, please her, and get close to her. As he succeeded she also wanted to get closer. As she opened her heart to his he got closer and closer. When they achieved imtimacy he felt wonderful. But after a brief period a change took place.
Imagine what happens to the rubber band. The rubber band becomes limp. Its power and stretch are gone. There is no longer any movement. This is exactly what happens to a man’s desire to get close after intimacy has been achieved.
Even though this closeness if fulfilling to a man, he will inevitably begin to go through an inner shift. He will begin to feel the urge to pull away. Having temporarily fulfilled his hunger for intimacy, he now feels his hunger to be indenpendent, to be on his own. Enough of this needing another person. He may feel he has become too dependent or may not know why he feels a need to pull away.
Why Women Panic
As Jack instinctively pulls away without any explanation to Jane or to himself, Jane reacts with fear. She panics and runs after him. She thinks she has done something wrong and has turned him off. She imagines he is expecting her to reestablish imtimacy. She is afraid he will never come back.
To make matters worse, she feels powerless to get him back because she doesn’t know what she did to turn him off. She doesn’t know that this is just a part of his intimacy cycle. When she asks him what’s the matter, he doesn’t have a clear answer, and so he resists talking about it. He just continues to distance her even more.
Why Men and Women Doubt Their Love;
Without an understanding of this cycle it is easy to see how men and women begin to doubt their love. Without seeing how she was preventing Jack from finding his passion, Jane could easily assume that Jack didn’t love her. Without getting the chance to pull away, Jack would lose touch with his desire and passion to be close. He could easily assume that he no longer loved Jane
After learning to let Jack have his distance or “space,” Jane discovered that he did come back. She practiced not running after him when he would withdraw and trusted that everything was OK. Each time he did come back.
As her trust in this process grew, it became easier for her not to panic. When he pulled away she did not run after him or even think something was wrong. She accepted thsi part of Jeff. The more she began to understand his changing feelings and needs, he became more confident in his love. He was able to make a commitment. The secret of Maggie and Jeff’s success was that they understood and accepted that men are like rubber bands.
HOW WOMEN MISINTERPRET MEN
Without an understanding of how men are like rubber bands, it is very easy for women to misinterpret a man’s reactions. A common confusion arises when she says “Let’s talk” and immediately he emotionally distances himself. Right when she wants to open up and get closer, he wants to pull away. Commonly I hear the complaint “Every time I want to talk, he pulls away. I feel like he doesn’t care about me.” She mistakenly concludes that he doesn’t ever want to talk to her.
This rubber band analogy explains how a man may care very much about his partner but suddenly pull away. When he pulls away it it not because he does not want to talk. Instead, he needs some time alone; time to be with himself when he is not responsible for anyone else. It is a time for him to take care of himself. When he returns then he is available to talk.
To a certain extent a man loses himself through connecting with his partner. By feeling her needs, problems, wants, and emotions he may lose touch with his own sense of self. Pulling away allows him to reestablish his personal boundaries and fulfill his need to feel autonomous.
Some men, however, may describe this pulling away differently. To them it is just a feeling of “I need some space” or “I need to be alone.” Regardless of how it is described, when a man pulls away, he is fulfilling a valid need to take care of himself for a while.
Just as we do not decide to be hungry, a man does not decide to pull away. It is an instinctual urge. He can only get so close, and then he begins to lose himself. At this point he begins to feel his need for autonomy and begins to pull away. By understanding this process, women can begin correctly to interpret this pulling away.
Why Men Pull Away When Women Get Close
For many women, a man tends to pull away precisely at the time when she wants to talk and be intimate. This occurs for two reasons.
1.A woman will unconsciously sense when a man is pulling away and precisely at those times she will at- “Let’s talk.” As he continues to pull away, she mistakenly concludes that he doesn’t want to talk or that he doesn’t care for her.
2.When a woman opens up and shares deeper and more intimate feelings it may actually trigger a man’s need to pull away. A man can only handle so much intimacy before his alarm bells go off, saying it is time to find balance by pulling away. At the most intimate moments a man my suddenly automatically switch to feeling his need for autonomy and pull away.
It is very confusing for a woman when a man pulls away because something she says or does triggers his departure. Generally when a woman starts to talk about things with feeling a man starts to feel this urge to pull away. This is because feelings draw men closer and create intimacy, and when a man gets too close he automatically pulls away.
It is not that he doesn’t want to hear her feelings. At another time in his intimacy cycle, when he is needing to get close, the same feelings that could have triggered his departure will draw his closer. It is not what she says that triggers his departure but when she says it.
WHEN TO TALK WITH A MAN
When a man is pulling away is not the time to talk or try to get closer. Let him pull away. After some time, he will return. He will appear loving and supportive and will act as though nothing has happened. This is the time to talk.
At this golden time, when a man wants intimacy and is actually available to talk, women generally don’t initiate conversations. This occurs for these three common reasons:
1.A woman is afraid to talk because the last time she wanted to talk he pulled away. She mistakenly assumes that he doesn’t care and he doesn’t want to listen.
2.A woman is afraid the man is upset with her and she waits for him to initiate a conversation about his feeling. She knows that if she were suddenly to pull away from him, before she could reconnect she would need to talk about what happened. She waits for him to initiate a conversation about what upset him. He, however, doesn’t need to talk about his upset feelings because he is not upset.
3.A woman has so much to say that she doesn’t want to be rude and just begin talking. To be polite, instead of talking about her own thoughts and feelings she makes the mistake of asking him questions about his feelings and thoughts. When he has nothing to say, she concludes he doesn’t want to have a conversation with her.
With all of these incorrect beliefs about why a man is not talking, it is no wonder that women are frustrated with men.
HOW TO GET A MAN TO TALK
When a woman wants to talk or feels the need to get close, she should do the talking and not expect a man to initate the conversation. To initiate a conversation she needs to be the first to begin sharing, even if her partner has little to say. As she appreciates him for listening, gradually he will have more to say.
A man can be very open to having a conversation with a woman but at first have nothing to say. What women don’t know about Martians is that they need to have a reason to talk. They don’t talk just for the sake of sharing. But when a woman talks for a while, a man will start to open up and share how he relates to what she has shared.
For example, if she talks about some of her difficulties during the day he may share some of the difficulties of his day so that they can understand each other. If she talks about her feelings about the kids, he may then talk about his feelings about the kids. As she opens up and he doesn’t feel blamed or pressured, then he gradually begins to open up.
How Women Pressure Men to Talk
A woman sharing her thoughts naturally motivates a man to talk. But when he feels a demand is being made that he talk, his mind goes blank. He has nothing to say. Even if he has something to say he will resist because he feels her demand.
It is hard for a man when a woman demands that he talk. She unknowingly turns him off by interrogating him. Especially when he doesn’t feel the need to talk. A woman mistakenly assumes that a man “needs to talk” and therefore “should.” She forgets that he is from Mars and doesn’t feel the need to talk as much.
She even feels that unless he talks, he doesn’t love her. To reject a man for not talking is to ensure that he has nothing to say. A man needs to feel accepted just the way he is, and then he will gradually open up. He does not feel accepted when she wants him to talk more or resents him for pulling away.
A man who needs to pull away a lot before he can learn to share and open up will first need to listen a lot. He needs to be appreciated for listening, then gradually he will say

more. ….:)

🎇FESTIVE FERVOUR……🎆

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As the ‘Festival of Lights ‘ approaches, excitement and anticipation travels throughout The Indian Continent, putting smile on everyone’s faces. From sweet vendors to floral market places,  from general stores to malls and super marts, a fervent glow is observed throughout.
Diwali or Deepavali as its fondly known, celebrates The Indian culture and traditions . It has numerous historic and spiritual significances.
This festival is celebrated in the  memory of the great Lord Rama’s victory over the evil Ravana.
Diwali is celebrated over a period of five days. However before kick -starting the massive celebrations, Hindu families from all around the world undertake a common task of house cleaning. It is believed that a thorough cleaning of the entire house before the night of Diwali washes away all the evil and negativity,  bestowing peace upon the household.
A few families begin cleaning their house a month in advance, before the festival approaches. From curtain rods to bed posts from nooks and corners to every little dècor piece;  there is a lot that needs to be cleaned. It is also believed that ” A clean home on the  night of Diwali is a key to a healthy mind”.
Celebrations begin two days before the night of Diwali. On the occasion of ‘DHANTERAS’ , which is considered to be the most auspicious day of the year. People purchase various precious metals and gemstones.

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It is believed and experieced by many,  that purchasing precious metals on this day invokes wealth and contentment  within the household.
New clothes are purchased,  much to the children’s delight ; sumptuous meals and savoury sweets are prepared or purchased on ‘Naraka Chaturdashi’ , which falls the day before the main  night of Diwali.

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Diwali is celebrated in a big way in most Hindu homes. Lakshmi puja commerates the prayer rituals of Diwali. Sweet is offered to the diety, which is later shared by the family members as a mark of respect and love towards the Goddess.

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After the rituals and religious ceremonies are over people go out and burst crackers. Post celebrations is the Diwali Dinner which includes a huge variety of mouth watering sweets.
Dancing to various tunes or burning crackers to experience an immense adrenaline rush through the course of this majestic night, people of every age group enjoy being a part of the biggest festival of the nation.
The magnificence of Diwali celebrations come to a humble end with a festival called ‘Bhaidooj’ is celebrated the next day. On this day, sister’s  pray for their

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brother’s happiness and success, and shower them with gifts.
So here we are…..DIWALI in its true essence is a  festival of hope and goodness with happy moments spent with loved ones.

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“HAPPY DIWALI TO ALL”……:)

Stop don’t do that……

20 Ways You Might Be Punishing Yourself…….

Many issues we face would make much more sense if we simply admitted up front that we feel we deserve to be punished.

And our various problem behaviors and feelings serve that purpose.

Seriously.

At least we’d be starting from a practical and productive place.

Instead, most of us start to solve personal problems by complaining. Then we play an endless, neurotic game of cat and mouse with our psyche that leads nowhere. I’ve done my share of this, believe me.

Let’s stop the shenanigans and cut to the chase.

So, you feel bad about yourself. I can relate.

Ok. Now…

How are you punishing yourself?

Are you punishing yourself directly or indirectly? Are you punishing yourself by making your life more difficult than it needs to be? Are you punishing yourself by hanging out with the wrong people, being in the wrong job, by doing exactly what you don’t want to be doing with your life?

Are you….
1. Procrastinating your work until you feel overwhelmed, helpless and incompetent?
2. Making yourself fat by overeating every day?
3. Running away from wonderful opportunities to succeed?
4. Inviting untrustworthy, hurtful or unavailable people into your life?
5. Wasting your time doing stuff that doesn’t matter?
6. Drinking or doing drugs too much?
7. Refusing to ask for help when you need it?
8. Speaking out of turn or constantly putting your foot in your mouth?
9. Going along with others even when you disagree?
10. Withholding your true feelings so that nobody can really connect with you?
11. Allowing yourself to live in a disorganized, messy house that makes you feel bad?
12. Refusing to cooperate with others until they reject you?
13. Saying yes to every potential obligation until you feel like collapsing from the stress?
14. Denying yourself the opportunity to live your purpose?
15. Sabotaging your romantic relationships?
16. Shying away from potential friendships or isolating yourself?
17. Spending too much money?
18. Indulging in anger or resentment?
19. Telling yourself that happiness is a fantasy that can’t last?

20. Or, are you simply criticizing yourself endlessly, telling yourself what an awful failure you are and that nobody would ever approve of you if they only knew the truth?

Self-punishment. It’s an epidemic. And there are actually unlimited ways to do it.

We may even be so attached to self-punishment that we literally cannot control ourselves, can we?

It has to end. It must end or we will allow our entire lives to go by without any period of lasting inner peace and enjoyment of our time. We’ll just keep punishing ourselves until our dying breath unless….unless we stop it!

How do you stop punishing yourself?
Just stop. This is the most obvious solution, right?

Of course, so often we are more committed to self-punishment than our conscious willpower can handle. We can’t stop it because, deep down, we know it is obvious thing to do; what comes naturally and automatically. And it feels wrong (or weird or impossible or foreign) to stop with all the angst and simply enjoy life.

Strange, huh?

The thought of letting go and being happy – or doing what we truly want to do with our lives – brings up all kinds of fear, guilt, and justifications for why we “can’t.” It brings up painful thoughts, such as, “You don’t deserve it.”

In other words, you not believe – at the deepest level – that you deserve to live any other way. That’s the awful message we give ourselves. Self-punishment.

Even stranger, often we get a subtle thrill out of it all. Or, we act as if enduring the punishment is some badge of honor. In short, our pain can make us feel special and we don’t want to give up that twisted sentiment.

So, we keep it up.

But think about this: What if you had no desire – ZERO TENDENCY – to criticize yourself, hold yourself back or believe you are less than? In other words, we wave a magic wand and, presto! You are healed and fully capable of living in peace, joy and success. Do you want that? What would your life be like?

Do Psychopaths Fall in Love?

Psychopathyawareness's Blog

Victims often wonder: do psychopaths fall in love? So far I have explained that psychopaths can’t love in the normal sense of having genuine empathy for others. But they can, and do, fall in love. Now I’d like to delve more deeply into the subject of how they fall in love and with whom. As we’ve seen, because of their ability to charm people, their seductive skills, their penchant for pleasure and their intense focus on their most desired targets, psychopaths can be (for a short while) extraordinarily passionate lovers. Their passion, however, finds itself in a constant race against time. The time usually runs out when the balance of power in the romantic relationship shifts dramatically in the psychopath’s favor.   Picasso describes this process quite poetically when he tells his mistress, Francoise Gilot:

“We mustn’t see each other too often. If the wings of the butterfly are…

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